Sign up for my mailing list below. It only takes a few seconds, and I'll be sure to let you know what's going on with my exclusive list-only video blogs, downloads like ringtones and audio from recent shows, and giveaways from me and my sponsors. Every second you don't sign up, a panda dies in Brazil. I don't even think pandas live in Brazil.
Join The PMelt Mailing List

Listen To My Podcast

NLO 1308:
Funeral Cucks

Jozalyn Sharp, comedian and fellow “big picture” thinker joins Patrick in the studio for a show where everyone is too high. Patrick has decided to box up everything and move on to the next apartment, in light of recent and never-ceasing series of unfortunate events. Everything is broken. Kevin Hart has single-handedly broken the Oscars. […]


  • Miss Elliott hasn’t had a hit since 2002 and still got 7000+ people to retweet her yesterday. Meanwhile, I can’t ge… about 3 days ago
  • Posting screenshots of your witty tweets to Facebook is like asking other people to watch you masturbate to your own shirtless photos. about 1 week ago
  • Whites are the fucking worst. about 1 month ago
  • Stop killing Asian people. It’s hard enough to get your hands on a graphics card right now. about 2 months ago
  • Ray Ban Sunglasses Official Charity Event! - @glo-documents​ @katiewayne@gloriousbearhumanoidpalace​… about 7 months ago